So Saturday Randy and I picked up 2 of our grandkids so their mommy could have some alone time. We pick up Rylee and Jakob .......they were excited about going up until the point that they realized mommy wasn't going with us. Then Jakob cried but grandpa got him calmed down.
Rylee just whined.....she kept saying things like "I don't want to go to your house it's boring" I said "No problem because we aren't going to my house" then it was "I don't want to go shopping..." etc..... finally after about 10 minutes of her whining I said "Rylee quit whining, I've had enough of it." she says "Fine you can't come to my party!" I asked what party and she said her birthday party....keep in mind she just had her birthday in June so I'm not really concerned about it.
It did take me back to my own childhood. I remember Stacy telling me I couldn't be friends with Trina or she wouldn't invite me to her Brithday Party. That is probably the earliest I can remember words hurting. I also remember that at Stacy's birthday party that Trina was included and Stacy told her in front of all of us girls that she only invited her because her mom made her. Stacy's birthday was after mine in October so it was a halloween theme. I remember hiding in the graveyard that her dad had made in the garage while playing Hide and Seek and listening to Trina cry. Shortly after we had all been found and went inside for cake ...Trina told Stacy's mom that she didn't feel good and needed to call her mom. I was in 2nd or 3rd grade at the time.
I've grown up (well at least gotten older) but the need to be included has not deminished. I mean while living in Tampa some friends had a party......we always went to their parties. But this time some mutual friends were at a little girls 1st birthday party and they were winding up to leave and said we will see you at "friend's house" and I was like "what?" They said aren't you coming to the party? I said we didn't know anything about it. Granted at the time our children weren't getting along and they are friends we made via our children but I cried for days afterwards over it. Randy thought the whole thing was stupid.....well he thought the part about my being so upset was stupid anyway. Being picked last for a team always killed me also. I loved youth camp because colors were assigned and that was where you were.....none of the Popular kids getting to pick who they wanted and people being hurt because they were last.
But the need to be included is so strong, at least it is for me, that to be excluded throws me into such a tailspin that I can't sleep I can't function for days. Even while I knew Rylee was just talking out of her anger...I pointed out to her that I was hurt by her words and that it wasn't nice to hurt someone on purpose.
So I've been wondering is it just a girl thing .... cause truthfully I always feel that twinge of exclusion talking to mom and she would say something about what her and my sister did......whatever it was never seemed to matter. I knew I was in Florida and they were in Texas but I still wanted to be a part of it. I've seen the pain or disappointment cross the girls face when I'm talking about something I've done with a sibling or a sibling-in-law. However, I have never seen Shawn or Randy or the son-in-laws feel that way. I've seen them upset because their wives were hurt over being excluded but not really because of the exclusion.
Randy used to get upset with me because planning the kids birthday parties or any get to gether with friends I wanted to make sure that everyone is invited. I know that there have been many times I haven't invited someone........I know they might have been hurt so I have to rationalize that I didn't invite them because it was just an after church thing or it was just 2 families or they always turn us down when we invite. The excuse doesn't matter but I have to comfort myself with one anyway.
So is it just that I am so self centered that I think I have to be involved in EVERYTHING or is it a Girl thing? Do you think that the guys just learn to cover their feelings about it? Seriously, I want to know what you think!
I do need to tell you that on Sunday Rylee hugged my neck really big and thanked me for coming to her party in June and for her cake and swingset....so I guess I was back on the invite list for next year :) - yeah me.... I only have to stay on her good side for just shy of 11 more months.
