To bravely go where I have been before.....hmmmm maybe that is "To Cowardly Go Where I have been before!"
I have been in a dark place the last few weeks....I'm not sure if pity party is the right term because most of the time when I'm at a pity party I can see it for what it is. This has been more of a "I do not know what Is up with me but it isn't pretty" kind of thing.
As you know I have been "Work forced reduced" and am now looking for a job. I thought it was a great thing to be let go - especially since I am receiving unemployment so it isn't a major impact on the finances. However, I think I am feeling a little lost because so much of what is TWILA is a sense of accomplishment achieved from work.....no work - no sense of accomplishment. I have also been doing a Bible study with a friend of mine.. Beth Moore's Get Out of the Pit, which has made me look long and hard about certain areas of my life.....areas that were hidden and ignored for so long that once brought into the life they smelled, they were covered in rotten growth and bugs (we all know I do not like bugs!). But dealing with them and actually putting them in the ground (buried - because they are dead) is helping.
I am making a committment to my friend (HEY CINDY!) to quit hiding when things are bad. I am making a committment to my family to quit withdrawling when I feel the darkness and allow them to bring the light into the darkness one small flame at a time until I have that burning bright going to get sunburned feel from the raging sunshine all thier candles created.
Oh yeah another reason I need to find a job - the perfect job for me that God has in place already - is so the lines between "I am Grandma" and "I am momma" are not so blurred - thanks for putting up with the butting in so much Brittney and RC....I will try to do better and remember "I'm not the momma" and it isn't my job. Love you guys.
So now aren't you glad you emailed asking when I am going to update again???????
4 years ago
