Things I have noticed lately

When communication breaks down it adds stress to a relationship. (I am not a mind reader talk to me, tell me what you want, or you have no right to pout when I make other plans that do not include your wants.)

When children are excited about something they seem to lose their minds! Not to mention their knowledge of exceptable behaviour.

When your down and withdrawl from the majority of contacts your cell phone stops ringing then when you want to talk to people and it doesn't ring you get down and withdrawl from people..... endless circle!

When Jesus has something in mind for you no amount of planning and aligning things to be able to do what you want to do will make it happen. But when you set back and say God do you want me to take this trip and he closes door you feel better because you know that it is within His will instead of thinking you should have planned better.

When you start exercising your body turns on you like a vicious attack dog. Okay maybe I didn't get the stomach flu because I have started to ride my bike again...... but just maybe I did!

I've been Cheating on you

Blog it is true ... I have been cheating on you, I have found that I like Facebook. I am so sorry I really think there is room in my life for both of you, but please do not make me choose. Facebook will accept quick little hellos where I feel you want me to stay and chat awhile. Besides Facebook allows everyone to see my words where you want people to come visit..and I've negelected you for so long people have probably quit coming to see if I'm even still alive.

Okay seriously people I have had a tough time blog lately because I have had a hard time thinking complete thoughts at all. I have fought depression and the majority of the days it has won. If I start the day off in Bible Study and Prayer I tend to win. However, I listen to the deciever and do not take the time to study.

I've also listened to Satan in other areas lately like when he says ...See you defended someone against everyone else when they were doing something you really didn't agree with but you stood strong beside them and now that they have turned the same actions on you, your not so fast to defend them. In fact your quick to blame them and judge them and write them off. I know that God doesn't turn his back on those that love Him. I am taking a stand to remember the Golden Rule I have been teaching this to the boys but haven't remembered to live it myself.

So I leave you with.. "Do unto Others as you would have them do unto you!"

To Bravely Go......

To bravely go where I have been before.....hmmmm maybe that is "To Cowardly Go Where I have been before!"

I have been in a dark place the last few weeks....I'm not sure if pity party is the right term because most of the time when I'm at a pity party I can see it for what it is. This has been more of a "I do not know what Is up with me but it isn't pretty" kind of thing.

As you know I have been "Work forced reduced" and am now looking for a job. I thought it was a great thing to be let go - especially since I am receiving unemployment so it isn't a major impact on the finances. However, I think I am feeling a little lost because so much of what is TWILA is a sense of accomplishment achieved from work.....no work - no sense of accomplishment. I have also been doing a Bible study with a friend of mine.. Beth Moore's Get Out of the Pit, which has made me look long and hard about certain areas of my life.....areas that were hidden and ignored for so long that once brought into the life they smelled, they were covered in rotten growth and bugs (we all know I do not like bugs!). But dealing with them and actually putting them in the ground (buried - because they are dead) is helping.

I am making a committment to my friend (HEY CINDY!) to quit hiding when things are bad. I am making a committment to my family to quit withdrawling when I feel the darkness and allow them to bring the light into the darkness one small flame at a time until I have that burning bright going to get sunburned feel from the raging sunshine all thier candles created.

Oh yeah another reason I need to find a job - the perfect job for me that God has in place already - is so the lines between "I am Grandma" and "I am momma" are not so blurred - thanks for putting up with the butting in so much Brittney and RC....I will try to do better and remember "I'm not the momma" and it isn't my job. Love you guys.

So now aren't you glad you emailed asking when I am going to update again???????

I am ALIVE!

Just wanted to reassure everyone I was still around......

So much has happened since I last blogged I will just try to hit the highlights....
a. I was laid off
b. Andrew turned 3
c. AC turned 7
d. Nyki and Jeremy moved to a new house
e. Randy, Britt, Trace, Andrew, and Kailey went to visit Amarillo
f. Randy and I have gotten active in PrePaid Legal - once we saw how great it is we want to share it with others......if interested let me know!
g. I was approved for Unemployment so am being picky about what jobs I apply for - do not want to accept the wrong one because that quickly becomes misserable!

So how has everyone else been?

New Look

You will have noticed by now I'm sporting a new look......well at least my Blog is! I want to Thank my Daughter-in-Law for setting me up with such a pretty - uplifting look! Thanks T!

I have a funny story to share with you regarding this look. As anyone that has read this, my facebook or received an email from me lately will know I'm going through a really rough time. So I have a dear friend that I rely on heavily when I am in the midst of Darkness - I truly believe that anyone that has walked or walks in the Darkness understands what I am going through better than someone that has never experienced the DARKNESS of depression. Anyway I digress (I know THAT's a shock!)

My friend pointed out to me that I am mistaking Money for Wealth and vice versa...I am very wealthy in love and family - even if money is tight I am WEALTHY! So I wrote to my friend that I had come up with a bi-line from some advice she had given me. The bi-line is "the cubbard is bare but our cup runneth over" (see it up there.....you know a play on the Old Mother Hubbard went to the cubbard.......poem)

Wow it's taking me a while to get to the funny part - HUH!

So I wrote to her and said my bi-line is going to be "the cubbard is bare but our cop runneth over"....so as most of you know my son is a police officer , I get an email asking me "what did S run over?" did you see the typo? our cop runneth over....instead of cup. Luckily T is better at proof reading than I am. Ok maybe it was just funny to me but it made me laugh OUT LOUD.

Reflective Mood

Somethings that have me giving into the darkness lately
1. Hating my job with no other prospects out there to really look at.
2. Being so far from Florida (remember when I couldn't wait to get back to Texas? Yeah not so much anymore)
3. Not seeing my Daddy on his birthday......heck I even almost failed to call him and wish him a happy birthday.
4. Finding out that no matter how hard I try not to add stress to someone else I tend to ALWAYS do it...... Believe me that is the last thing I want to do to people I love!
5. Listening to the news talk about how much worse the economy is going to be before it gets better.....
6. Finances! Oh to never have to worry about money again!


Somethings that have me fighting HARD agains the darkness
1. Wonderful precious grandbabies (even though NONE are babies anymore!)
2. Game night with my daughters and son-in-laws - I LOVE to Win but I will even take losing if it means I get to spend some time with the girls (and their hubbies) - Have I told you blog world how my son-in-laws can make me laugh till I spew my drink through my nose?
3. MY LOVING HUSBAND - God gave me such a gift when it comes to him.
4. Seeing friends I haven't seen but once maybe twice in over 10 years and actually getting to spend quaility time with them. 2 different friends (well 3 I guess one was a couple) in 2 weeks.
5. Getting sweet cards and emails from Julie :)
6. Having my friend Cindy as a sounding board - she's not afraid to tell me like it is and coming from her I'm not afraid to hear it because I know it is done in LOVE!
7. Knowing I have a Saviour that NEVER LETS GO OF ME!

So on reflecting I know that the good out weights the bad so why the heck is it the BAD that always bounces around in my head?