Wow.....It's been a long time.

Well so much has happened since I last blogged. Grandkids have grown, kids have graduated, been accepted onto the Swat team, and led a Women's bible study. I am so proud of all 3 of my children and then my Kids by marriage continue to reinforce that my kids make good choices.

My favorite (she would be even if she wasn't the only one) Daughter-in-Law has taught her first semester of teaching under her belt and all I can say is I pray that ALL teachers have a heart like she does for children especially special education children, I know each of their lives and that of their families are blessed because of such a special young teacher.

Son-in-Laws are both growing and maturing in their jobs and have proven time and time again to be great daddies and husbands. (Even though sometimes I think that they forget it's my grandchildren they are getting onto.... my angels that DO NOTHING WRONG.... hehehehe)

My husband, oh wow what can I say he is still great, frustrating, perfect, on my nerves, he treats me like a princess, he ignores me.......oh wait is this the same man? Yes yes it is and he is a gift from God and when I remember to pray for him and to be thankful for him he is great. When I am down and moody he drives me nuts but I cannot imagine life without him!

Overall I am so blessed by my family! I will try to start posting regularly again.

Update....ummmmm okay that's a good name!

I'm still unemployed and am thinking that is part of why I am so angry with everyone and everything! I have never realized that my self worth is so tied to being a value to someone at work.

I enjoyed my time in Florida with my friend Julie and her family, seeing friends I haven't seen in awhile and came back feeling more upbeat and less consumed by the darkness. My friend Cindy bought me a couple of Chonda Pierce cd's and that has helped so much. I had my first ever surprise birthday party :) it was awesome! We went camping (I love camping and haven't gotten to go this year) we went to the beach and ate at Frenchy's. The only thing I would do different is next time I hope Randy can go with me...I missed him and he missed me.

I need to focus on the positives more on the negatives less..........I need to get me a Build a Bear to vent on. I do not want my kids and grandkids to remember me as always ANGRY. I want them to remember me more as it was Sunday when we sat around and laughed and shared and enjoyed each other!

Looking forward to having all the kids here this weekend but am disappointed that it is the same weekend that MEOW meets cause I love to spend the time with my friends like I got to last year on my birthday. But I know the right choice has been made!

Stay tuned for Trick or Treat pictures and hopefully some family pics!

My Dream Friday Night........

In my dream........

I am sitting on the shores of a large lake, across the lake I can see a couple that I enjoy spending time with camping on the exact opposite side of the lake. I can hear them laughing and having a good time every once in a while the man will look up and wave at me and motion for me to come over to their camp. The woman will smile and say come over please. I will just start crying because the lake is too big for me to walk around it, I have no boat and there is not a bridge. I cry often and hard while I am crying the lake gets bigger and bigger growing with my tears. I can't quit sobbing and the lake just keeps making me move further away from the other side to keep from getting wet. I can see the couple whom I love dearly having so much fun. I cry to God to help me get to them. He says walk across the water and I tell him I am not Jesus I cannot walk on water.......and again He says step out into the water and again I say I can't and cry harder making the lake grow. Again I hear Him very plainly say step into the water. I spend more time crying and saying I can't. Finally after what seems to be a very long time....long enough that I know I moved further inland 5 times because the water is still increasing because of my tears.....in fact I am so far inland that I can't even see the other campsite any longer. I hear yet again God say "Step into the Water" so I do and I realize that the whole lake is nothing but my tears and they only come up to my ankles so I begin to walk across the water...not on the water it wasn't a miracle but just across the water towards the other campsite. I feel stupid because I have allowed my pity party to keep me from those I love and want to spend time with. The saddest thing and the reason I cannot forget my dream is when I got to the other side it was too late my loved ones had packed up and gone home.

If you are one of the ones I have hurt during my pity party (and believe me their are many I am sure...) please do not give up on me ... do not pack up and leave because I am coming to spend time with you. I am so sorry that my self absorbtion has caused you to be hurt.

Jon and Kate Plus 8 - My View

I had to laugh when I read Drea a fellow Bloggers posting on this show........(Ummm she posted this a long time ago and I'm just now catching up on reading peoples blogs - so I'm behind time)

Anyway I also watched Jon and Kate Plus 8 for a while but turned it off after the way Kate spoke to Jon. Drea stated this much better than I can so go and read her post and then let me know what you think.

http://www.uniquelyplaced.com/2009/05/8-and-18.html

You back already? Did you read all of it?

Doesn't matter really but one of the things that I have noticed since taking a class with Randy "Building Your Mates Self Esteem" that the way we talk to our spouses is probably the most important thing we can do to build a strong lasting marriage ....... more important than common interests, than supporting them in their dreams and wishes, more important than SEX... All these things are important but belittling your spouse poke holes in a relationship like you cannot believe even when in Jest. I am AWFUL about "dissing" Randy in front of a crowd to be FUNNY. I love Randy with all my heart and I cannot imagine EVER being Happy without him by my side. I remember an old country song "Where have you been" Kathy Matea. It talks about everytime her husband is gone and he comes home she says "Where have you been - you know I am not myself when you are gone" that is exactly how I feel about Randy.

I do not believe that treating your spouse poorly gives them the right to cheat on you. I do believe that if a person does not get the respect they need in a relationship they crave it from someone else anyone else......... Be it Spouses or friendship.

I have no idea why I felt the need to say this but I did - hopefully God will use it, to better someone.

I'm still interested in your feelings on the subject of Jon and Kate or Marriage....

And out of nowhere I was Attacked!

Have you ever been minding your own business and out of the blue BOOM you are attacked?



Let me start from the beginning. Randy and I went to visit his family, His oldest brother and his wife, his sister and his mom. Randy's niece flew in and Randy picked her up at the airport, she spent some time with us and then we took her to her parents. It was a wonderful visit with Debbie, she cooked for us (Anyone else out there not know that Yorkshire pudding wasn't really a pudding at all?) we played lots of games, lots of visiting.....GREAT time! Then Thursday morning Randy, Debbie, and I drove the 2 hours to go visit the family. Met them at a wonderful restaurant and then went to his brother's house to visit. We played Apples to Apples where the guys killed us all and then the Train game, which I won! Then I am walking into the living room talking to his sister and BAM - I mean no warning no nothing just BAM, BAM, BAM! I was personally attacked. My first reaction was to hurt back....then the thought came into my head - "You cannot control what someone else does but you can control how you react...." So instead of getting even I smiled pretty and had my picture taken with the family and then went to the bathroom to nurse my wounds. Are you wondering what Randy did? Nothing - well WORSE than nothing - he laughed.



Here I will show you how it looks 2 days later...... STUPID CAT!

Things I have noticed lately

When communication breaks down it adds stress to a relationship. (I am not a mind reader talk to me, tell me what you want, or you have no right to pout when I make other plans that do not include your wants.)

When children are excited about something they seem to lose their minds! Not to mention their knowledge of exceptable behaviour.

When your down and withdrawl from the majority of contacts your cell phone stops ringing then when you want to talk to people and it doesn't ring you get down and withdrawl from people..... endless circle!

When Jesus has something in mind for you no amount of planning and aligning things to be able to do what you want to do will make it happen. But when you set back and say God do you want me to take this trip and he closes door you feel better because you know that it is within His will instead of thinking you should have planned better.

When you start exercising your body turns on you like a vicious attack dog. Okay maybe I didn't get the stomach flu because I have started to ride my bike again...... but just maybe I did!