My Dream Friday Night........

In my dream........

I am sitting on the shores of a large lake, across the lake I can see a couple that I enjoy spending time with camping on the exact opposite side of the lake. I can hear them laughing and having a good time every once in a while the man will look up and wave at me and motion for me to come over to their camp. The woman will smile and say come over please. I will just start crying because the lake is too big for me to walk around it, I have no boat and there is not a bridge. I cry often and hard while I am crying the lake gets bigger and bigger growing with my tears. I can't quit sobbing and the lake just keeps making me move further away from the other side to keep from getting wet. I can see the couple whom I love dearly having so much fun. I cry to God to help me get to them. He says walk across the water and I tell him I am not Jesus I cannot walk on water.......and again He says step out into the water and again I say I can't and cry harder making the lake grow. Again I hear Him very plainly say step into the water. I spend more time crying and saying I can't. Finally after what seems to be a very long time....long enough that I know I moved further inland 5 times because the water is still increasing because of my tears.....in fact I am so far inland that I can't even see the other campsite any longer. I hear yet again God say "Step into the Water" so I do and I realize that the whole lake is nothing but my tears and they only come up to my ankles so I begin to walk across the water...not on the water it wasn't a miracle but just across the water towards the other campsite. I feel stupid because I have allowed my pity party to keep me from those I love and want to spend time with. The saddest thing and the reason I cannot forget my dream is when I got to the other side it was too late my loved ones had packed up and gone home.

If you are one of the ones I have hurt during my pity party (and believe me their are many I am sure...) please do not give up on me ... do not pack up and leave because I am coming to spend time with you. I am so sorry that my self absorbtion has caused you to be hurt.

Jon and Kate Plus 8 - My View

I had to laugh when I read Drea a fellow Bloggers posting on this show........(Ummm she posted this a long time ago and I'm just now catching up on reading peoples blogs - so I'm behind time)

Anyway I also watched Jon and Kate Plus 8 for a while but turned it off after the way Kate spoke to Jon. Drea stated this much better than I can so go and read her post and then let me know what you think.

http://www.uniquelyplaced.com/2009/05/8-and-18.html

You back already? Did you read all of it?

Doesn't matter really but one of the things that I have noticed since taking a class with Randy "Building Your Mates Self Esteem" that the way we talk to our spouses is probably the most important thing we can do to build a strong lasting marriage ....... more important than common interests, than supporting them in their dreams and wishes, more important than SEX... All these things are important but belittling your spouse poke holes in a relationship like you cannot believe even when in Jest. I am AWFUL about "dissing" Randy in front of a crowd to be FUNNY. I love Randy with all my heart and I cannot imagine EVER being Happy without him by my side. I remember an old country song "Where have you been" Kathy Matea. It talks about everytime her husband is gone and he comes home she says "Where have you been - you know I am not myself when you are gone" that is exactly how I feel about Randy.

I do not believe that treating your spouse poorly gives them the right to cheat on you. I do believe that if a person does not get the respect they need in a relationship they crave it from someone else anyone else......... Be it Spouses or friendship.

I have no idea why I felt the need to say this but I did - hopefully God will use it, to better someone.

I'm still interested in your feelings on the subject of Jon and Kate or Marriage....

And out of nowhere I was Attacked!

Have you ever been minding your own business and out of the blue BOOM you are attacked?



Let me start from the beginning. Randy and I went to visit his family, His oldest brother and his wife, his sister and his mom. Randy's niece flew in and Randy picked her up at the airport, she spent some time with us and then we took her to her parents. It was a wonderful visit with Debbie, she cooked for us (Anyone else out there not know that Yorkshire pudding wasn't really a pudding at all?) we played lots of games, lots of visiting.....GREAT time! Then Thursday morning Randy, Debbie, and I drove the 2 hours to go visit the family. Met them at a wonderful restaurant and then went to his brother's house to visit. We played Apples to Apples where the guys killed us all and then the Train game, which I won! Then I am walking into the living room talking to his sister and BAM - I mean no warning no nothing just BAM, BAM, BAM! I was personally attacked. My first reaction was to hurt back....then the thought came into my head - "You cannot control what someone else does but you can control how you react...." So instead of getting even I smiled pretty and had my picture taken with the family and then went to the bathroom to nurse my wounds. Are you wondering what Randy did? Nothing - well WORSE than nothing - he laughed.



Here I will show you how it looks 2 days later...... STUPID CAT!

Things I have noticed lately

When communication breaks down it adds stress to a relationship. (I am not a mind reader talk to me, tell me what you want, or you have no right to pout when I make other plans that do not include your wants.)

When children are excited about something they seem to lose their minds! Not to mention their knowledge of exceptable behaviour.

When your down and withdrawl from the majority of contacts your cell phone stops ringing then when you want to talk to people and it doesn't ring you get down and withdrawl from people..... endless circle!

When Jesus has something in mind for you no amount of planning and aligning things to be able to do what you want to do will make it happen. But when you set back and say God do you want me to take this trip and he closes door you feel better because you know that it is within His will instead of thinking you should have planned better.

When you start exercising your body turns on you like a vicious attack dog. Okay maybe I didn't get the stomach flu because I have started to ride my bike again...... but just maybe I did!

I've been Cheating on you

Blog it is true ... I have been cheating on you, I have found that I like Facebook. I am so sorry I really think there is room in my life for both of you, but please do not make me choose. Facebook will accept quick little hellos where I feel you want me to stay and chat awhile. Besides Facebook allows everyone to see my words where you want people to come visit..and I've negelected you for so long people have probably quit coming to see if I'm even still alive.

Okay seriously people I have had a tough time blog lately because I have had a hard time thinking complete thoughts at all. I have fought depression and the majority of the days it has won. If I start the day off in Bible Study and Prayer I tend to win. However, I listen to the deciever and do not take the time to study.

I've also listened to Satan in other areas lately like when he says ...See you defended someone against everyone else when they were doing something you really didn't agree with but you stood strong beside them and now that they have turned the same actions on you, your not so fast to defend them. In fact your quick to blame them and judge them and write them off. I know that God doesn't turn his back on those that love Him. I am taking a stand to remember the Golden Rule I have been teaching this to the boys but haven't remembered to live it myself.

So I leave you with.. "Do unto Others as you would have them do unto you!"

To Bravely Go......

To bravely go where I have been before.....hmmmm maybe that is "To Cowardly Go Where I have been before!"

I have been in a dark place the last few weeks....I'm not sure if pity party is the right term because most of the time when I'm at a pity party I can see it for what it is. This has been more of a "I do not know what Is up with me but it isn't pretty" kind of thing.

As you know I have been "Work forced reduced" and am now looking for a job. I thought it was a great thing to be let go - especially since I am receiving unemployment so it isn't a major impact on the finances. However, I think I am feeling a little lost because so much of what is TWILA is a sense of accomplishment achieved from work.....no work - no sense of accomplishment. I have also been doing a Bible study with a friend of mine.. Beth Moore's Get Out of the Pit, which has made me look long and hard about certain areas of my life.....areas that were hidden and ignored for so long that once brought into the life they smelled, they were covered in rotten growth and bugs (we all know I do not like bugs!). But dealing with them and actually putting them in the ground (buried - because they are dead) is helping.

I am making a committment to my friend (HEY CINDY!) to quit hiding when things are bad. I am making a committment to my family to quit withdrawling when I feel the darkness and allow them to bring the light into the darkness one small flame at a time until I have that burning bright going to get sunburned feel from the raging sunshine all thier candles created.

Oh yeah another reason I need to find a job - the perfect job for me that God has in place already - is so the lines between "I am Grandma" and "I am momma" are not so blurred - thanks for putting up with the butting in so much Brittney and RC....I will try to do better and remember "I'm not the momma" and it isn't my job. Love you guys.

So now aren't you glad you emailed asking when I am going to update again???????